Navigating Office Politics

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

🏃♀️ Imagine a study on marathon performance that doesn't mention some runners are carrying 50-pound backpacks. That's the 2025 Women in the Workplace report from Mckinsey and LeanIn 60 pages on why women "want promotions less." Zero mentions of childcare, eldercare, or the invisible second shift. Their own data shows women and men are equally committed to their careers, over 90% on every measure. Young women under 30 has even more ambitious than young men. Latinas are the most ambitious group in the entire study. 🤔 So where does this "ambition gap" come from? Buried on page 10, in a small box, they note that women who decline promotion cite "personal obligations" at nearly double the rate of men. Then they move on. No follow-up. No analysis. No asking the obvious question: What are these "personal obligations"? 💔 I'll tell you what they are. 👉 They're the 2am feeding before your 8am presentation. 👉 The school pickup that can't be rescheduled. 👉 The elderly parent who needs a doctor's appointment during your board meeting. 👉 The mental load of remembering everyone's everything while being told you "lack ambition." The report measured ambition without measuring the invisible infrastructure women are running at home. 👉 Here's what the report should have asked: ⁉️ Do women with equal childcare support want promotions at the same rate as men? ⁉️ Do women with flexible work arrangements show the same career drive? ⁉️ Does the "ambition gap" exist in countries with subsidized childcare? (Spoiler: Research says no, no, and no.) Instead, they concluded women are less ambitious and moved on to solutions that don't address the actual problem. This isn't just a missed opportunity. It's a misdirection! ❌ Because when you diagnose "ambition gap" instead of "care gap," you get solutions like "women need more confidence" instead of "workplaces need to stop penalizing caregiving." You get women blamed for systemic failures. 📊 Here's what an honest report would say: ✅ Women aren't less ambitious. They're doing two jobs while being evaluated as if they're doing one. ✅ The workplace wasn't designed for people with caregiving responsibilities. It was designed for people with wives. ✅ Until we redesign the system, we'll keep "discovering" that women don't want what men want, when really, women just can't afford what men take for granted. That's exactly why we built "From Hidden Talent to Visible Leader", because the women I work with aren't lacking ambition. They're lacking a system that sees their full contribution. Next cohort starts end of Jan 2026. 👉 Join the waitlist: https://lnkd.in/gx7CpGGR 👊 Because women don't have an ambition problem. The workplace has a measurement problem, and it starts with reports that count everything except what actually matters.

US-based employers: over the next few weeks, you're either working around the clock with your managers to protect the healthy norms you've worked hard to create—or watching in dismay as your workplace falls apart. You might have your norms written down on a wall somewhere, and think that's enough to weather this storm. Not even close. You can say the words "collaboration," "respect," "inclusion," and "kindness" all you want, but it's what happens in every team when those norms are violated that defines what kind of organization you are. ⚠️ When team members refuse to communicate with their colleagues who voted for a different candidate, are your managers prepared? ⚠️ When people denigrate or insult their colleagues in Slack or Teams messages or in the chatbox on a video call, are your managers prepared? ⚠️ When a "high performing employee" decides to express prejudiced, exclusionary, and discriminatory ideas about protected groups, are your managers prepared? In workplaces around the country and around the world, these kinds of incidents are far from novel. But when flashpoints happen, like a major election, the fragile balance of a workplace culture is easily upended. Each and every violation that occurs is a test of the norms that workplace leaders purport to have, and when employers fail that test, the consequences can be disastrous—disrupting everyday work, destroying trust in leadership, poisoning team morale and culture, and more. Managers make or break that possibility. 🌱 Your managers must be prepared to mediate conflict. ⛔ Your managers must be prepared to articulate what behavior is tolerated and what isn't. ⚖️ Your managers must be prepared to hold others and themselves accountable for when harm occurs and norms are violated. ⛈️ Your managers must be prepared to support and manage negative emotions, anger, frustration, and grief among their teams. 🚀 Your managers must be prepared to lead by example, even through their own strong opinions or feelings. 📢 And every executive must be prepared to support their managers by establishing expectations from the top, communicating transparently about resources and support options, and coaching managers who need help reaching that standard. If your workplace has taken this challenge seriously, it's already been preparing in this way for weeks and months. But even if you're only starting today, it's never too late to lead.

Don’t be blindsided by sneaky corporate politicians. I lost my job as VP at a startup because of decisions made behind my back, behind closed doors. This taught me to be much more aware of corporate politics. Most people say they dislike politics. They want to know how to navigate them without having to be political themselves. The good news is you can definitely do this - I cover exactly how below. The first thing to know is that influence and politics are different. Both are used to impact decisions and outcomes, but for different reasons and approached in different ways. –Influence is seeking the best decision; politics is seeking personal benefit or gain. –Influence is done transparently; politics is hidden and often even denied. –Influence is earned, based on track record and data; politics is manipulative, hiding data and distorting facts. To avoid political surprises: 1. Do not drive dissent underground. Be open and invite discussion. Many people will accept a decision they do not like if they feel heard and understood. Deny them this and they will resort to sneaky politics to try to manipulate the outcome. 2. Create strong relationships with decision makers and set the expectation of being included in discussions. If someone does attempt to go behind your back, you want your leaders and stakeholders to step in and stop them, or at least tell you what is going on. “Politics” can only happen when multiple people are willing to keep a decision hidden from you. --In your own leadership, avoid tolerating politics within your team. If you show people around you that you are open to secret, private influence, either from peers or favorite subordinates, then you contribute to a political environment. If you do not stick to transparency and open decisions yourself, you create a culture of politics that will come back to bite you later. --Learn who is political in your company. The best way to avoid being blindsided is by being attentive to politics without becoming jaded or suspicious of everyone. You want to cultivate awareness. Look for unhappy faces in meetings and listen carefully for words that seem to indicate agreement without really saying yes. Statements like “We'll look at your request in the next sprint” sound very supportive, but don’t actually commit to anything. The truth is that human beings are wired to get what is best for themselves. We cannot eliminate this part of our nature. However, what we can do is be more aware of this reality. We can also influence others to see that politics will eventually hurt them, while building transparent influence will benefit them, helping to build relationships, alliances, and coalitions. My colleagues Omar Halabieh, Steve Huynh, Sundas Khalid, and Rajdeep Saha are all sharing insights on how to navigate these tough situations. Read their perspectives in their posts and comments. What lessons have helped you navigate politics at work?

My latest newsletter on resilience seems to have struck a chord. The volume and breadth of messages I’ve received have surprised me. They came from CEOs and from people early in their careers, all describing the same struggle to stay steady under relentless pressure and growing uncertainty. In the piece, I argue that resilience as the ability to “bounce back” belongs to a world where pressure comes in episodes. Today, it compounds. Resilience in this moment is the capacity to remain anchored while the pressure accumulates. To stay present without becoming numb, to listen without rushing to judgment, and to hold moral lines even when compromise feels easier. When leaders are depleted, distracted, or permanently reactive, they don’t stop acting. They stop seeing clearly. And when clarity fades, so does the ability to choose deliberately under pressure, especially when the easiest decision is not the right one. That is why resilience can no longer be treated as a private coping strategy. It has become critical leadership infrastructure. At its heart resilience is not about retreating from the world. It is about remaining sufficiently intact to meet it as it is. It allows leaders to remain attentive to what is happening, honest about what is changing, and firm about what must not. In a period of rapid change and continuous pressure, that may be among the most consequential responsibilities leadership carries.

80% of feedback never changes behavior. Not because people don’t care… But because of how it’s delivered. Your style and tone makes a difference. The feedback you give can spark change or trigger resistance. It’s not about being “nice” or “tough.” It’s about being strategic. Here are 5 approaches that turn tough conversations into growth opportunities: 1. COIN Method For when performance needs a reset. Most people jump straight to criticism. But starting with context creates safety. “In yesterday’s meeting…” feels specific. “You always…” feels like an attack. The magic is in the Next step: Don’t just point out problems. Co-create solutions. 2. SBI Model For when you’re recognizing wins or addressing gaps. Vague praise like “Great job” doesn’t teach. Specific feedback does. “When you asked that clarifying question, the client leaned in…” That’s something they can actually repeat. 3. STAR/AR Method For when someone’s ready to level up. Most feedback looks backward. This one builds forward. Review what happened → then explore alternatives. You’re not just fixing mistakes. You’re expanding capacity. 4. DESC Script For when you need to set boundaries. Boundaries don’t push people away. They build trust. The key is Express. Own your experience without blame. “I feel…” lands. “You make me feel…” doesn’t. That’s how accountability shifts. 5. GROW Model For when someone needs guidance, not answers Old-school feedback = “Here’s what to do.” GROW = “Let’s uncover it together.” The power move? Stay curious longer. Ask “What else?” at least 3 times. The best ideas usually come last. One more truth: timing beats technique. Give feedback within 48 hours when memory is fresh. Don’t fire off complaints in the moment. And don’t wait for the once-a-year performance review. Find the sweet spot where perspective is clear and the moment still matters. That’s when feedback creates growth. ♻️ Repost if this helps you (or your team) have conversations that actually create change. 👉 Follow Desiree Gruber for more tools on storytelling, leadership, and brand building.

Some people don’t play fair at work. They play to win, and they weaponize perception to do it. They bait your emotions. They move the goalposts. They delegate complete chaos. They create confusion, then call it collaboration. And quitting isn’t always an option. Especially when you're rising. Here are 7 strategies to protect your power: 1. Silence is a strategy. Don’t rush to fill the space. Pauses signal self-trust. They expose games people try to play. i.e: When a peer tries to get you to defend your work in a meeting, don’t explain everything. Just say, “That’s noted,” and move on. Let their tone do the work of revealing the dynamics to others. 2. Divest your emotional labor. You’re not responsible for how other people feel about your boundaries, tone, or clarity. i.e: If your manager is in a mood or being short with you, don’t overfunction to smooth it over. Stick to the facts, keep your update short, and end the meeting on time. 3. Outshine the master carefully. Power loves proximity, so don’t disappear. Share your wins in public—but pair them with a compliment. i.e: If your director doesn’t like being outshined, say in a team update, “Thanks to [Director’s Name] for the support on this, I was able to close the contract two weeks ahead of schedule.” Tie your success to their influence while keeping your name attached to the win. 4. Speak to the pattern, not the person. Address repeat behaviors in clean, direct ways. Stick to the facts. i.e: If a colleague keeps delaying deliverables that impact you, say, “This is the third time the file has come late, and it’s caused downstream delays. I want to get ahead of this for next time.” It’s hard to argue with patterns. 5. Don’t reveal your intentions or your personal business. Say what you need, then stop talking. i.e: If you're asking for a project switch, say, “I’d like to be considered for X. I believe it’s a better use of my current strengths.” No need to mention burnout, your manager’s issues, or private goals. 6.Control access to yourself in levels. Not every colleague gets the same version of you. Boundaries are a form of emotional regulation. i.e: You don’t need to keep explaining your every idea to a critical coworker. Instead, share top-line updates in writing and save your full thinking for trusted allies or public spaces where misinterpretation is harder. 7. Exit the game entirely. Sometimes the real power move is not playing at all. This is how you protect your peace without losing your position. * If you resonate with this post, please repost it to your Linkedin page.* However, if you're a business coach, career coach etc., do not share this post or assume that tagging me in business groups, business pages or simply looking to grow your biz pages or on direct pages serves as permission. Do not post without my explicit permission*

Who's got "potential"? A new study finds that: 🔹"women receive substantially lower potential ratings despite receiving higher job performance ratings." 🔹"Women’s lower potential ratings do not appear to be based on accurate forecasts of future performance or attrition: women subsequently outperform male colleagues with the same potential ratings, both on average and on the margin of promotion." 🔹"Despite this, subsequent potential ratings for women remain low, suggesting that firms persistently underestimate the potential of their female employees." 🔹The study also shows that these "subjective assessments of worker potential contribute to gender gaps in promotion and to an inefficient allocation of talent across roles." "Differences in potential ratings account for approximately half of the gender promotion gap." Read the full study here: Alan Benson, Danielle Li, and Kelly Shue (2025), “Potential” and the Gender Promotion Gap, American Economic Review, forthcoming: https://lnkd.in/eDaKa7xx (gated) https://lnkd.in/eRfyWhpD (ungated)

A significant hurdle to women in asset management becoming Portfolio Managers is that the promotion decision is typically taken around the time many women have children, i.e. early 30s or after approximately 10 years as an Analyst. While most women take extended parental leave, men rarely do; in addition, women typically bear the majority of childcare responsibilities after birth. Moreover, there is an age range where, if a woman has not made PM, she likely never will and is viewed as a career analyst. Relative earnings dynamics within a family amplifies workplace dynamics. If a woman is overlooked for promotion in her early 30s while having children, her earnings may have fallen significantly behind her partner’s by her late 30s. The family dynamic may either dissuade her from returning to work or require her to bear more childcare responsibilities after returning, further increasing inequality. The career interruption from pregnancy applies outside of promotion concerns. A woman in the early stages of pregnancy or intending to become pregnant may be reluctant to take risk (e.g. by speaking up, making a contrarian investment, or switching firm) because, if she is made redundant, it will be difficult for her to find a new job as she will be at a late stage of pregnancy. One interviewee knows of women who have had abortions because they were too new in the job and being pregnant would expose them to too much career risk. This issue is highlighted in my report on Cognitive Diversity in Asset Management for Diversity Project - Investment Industry. https://lnkd.in/eASk7x3P Potential solutions are in my response to the FCA's consultation on Diversity and Inclusion in the Financial Sector at https://lnkd.in/eWgkd8qz (see p7). I would be grateful to learn of additional solutions: please leave a comment.

Performance conversations are more than evaluations—they're opportunities to inspire reflection, growth, and clarity. I've been reflecting on how we can approach these moments with greater purpose.   Too often, we dive into discussions focused solely on outcomes or metrics. But what if we paused to look deeper? What if we encouraged employees—and ourselves—to approach these moments from different vantage points: stepping back to observe like a fly on the wall, zooming out to the balcony for perspective, and then engaging with purpose on the dance floor?   This layered approach challenges us to ask meaningful questions: "What patterns am I noticing? How do my efforts align with broader goals? What could I do better?" It’s a mindset shift that transforms performance conversations into opportunities for growth, even when outcomes aren’t ideal. Here are a few practical ways to bring this perspective to life: 1. Start with Observation (Fly on the Wall): Before diving into feedback, encourage employees to reflect on their contributions objectively. Ask questions like " What moments felt like your strongest? What would you approach differently? help set a tone of self-awareness." 2. Zoom Out to the Bigger Picture (Balcony): Help employees see how their work connects to broader team and organizational goals. This shift in perspective ensures the conversation isn’t just about isolated outcomes but about long-term impact and alignment. 3. Engage with Purpose (Dance Floor): End every conversation with actionable steps and encouragement. Even when feedback is tough, leave employees with clarity and optimism. A simple affirmation like "I believe in your ability to grow from this", can turn a challenging moment into a catalyst for improvement. Performance conversations are a dance between reflection and action, but they’re also about perspective—knowing when to step back, when to zoom out, and when to engage fully. When we guide our teams to critique their own contributions—not to judge, but to grow—we unlock their potential and leave them inspired to improve. Would love to hear your perspective.