Feedback and Coaching for Leaders

Performance conversations are more than evaluations—they're opportunities to inspire reflection, growth, and clarity. I've been reflecting on how we can approach these moments with greater purpose.   Too often, we dive into discussions focused solely on outcomes or metrics. But what if we paused to look deeper? What if we encouraged employees—and ourselves—to approach these moments from different vantage points: stepping back to observe like a fly on the wall, zooming out to the balcony for perspective, and then engaging with purpose on the dance floor?   This layered approach challenges us to ask meaningful questions: "What patterns am I noticing? How do my efforts align with broader goals? What could I do better?" It’s a mindset shift that transforms performance conversations into opportunities for growth, even when outcomes aren’t ideal. Here are a few practical ways to bring this perspective to life: 1. Start with Observation (Fly on the Wall): Before diving into feedback, encourage employees to reflect on their contributions objectively. Ask questions like " What moments felt like your strongest? What would you approach differently? help set a tone of self-awareness." 2. Zoom Out to the Bigger Picture (Balcony): Help employees see how their work connects to broader team and organizational goals. This shift in perspective ensures the conversation isn’t just about isolated outcomes but about long-term impact and alignment. 3. Engage with Purpose (Dance Floor): End every conversation with actionable steps and encouragement. Even when feedback is tough, leave employees with clarity and optimism. A simple affirmation like "I believe in your ability to grow from this", can turn a challenging moment into a catalyst for improvement. Performance conversations are a dance between reflection and action, but they’re also about perspective—knowing when to step back, when to zoom out, and when to engage fully. When we guide our teams to critique their own contributions—not to judge, but to grow—we unlock their potential and leave them inspired to improve. Would love to hear your perspective.

The One Skill of Top 0.1% Performers? There’s one trait that separates high achievers from the rest. It’s not intelligence. It’s not talent. It’s coachability. Top performers: ✅ Seek feedback, even when it’s hard to hear. ✅ Adapt quickly instead of resisting change. ✅ Turn mistakes into lessons, not excuses. Here’s how to build your coachability muscle: 1. Drop the Ego → High performers don’t get defensive. → They see feedback as fuel, not failure. 💡 The Fix: Next time you receive criticism, say, “Tell me more.” 2. Ask for Brutal Honesty → The best employees actively request feedback. → They crave truth, not comfort. 💡 The Fix: Ask, “What’s one thing I could do better?” – and mean it. 3. Apply Feedback Fast → Absorbing feedback is useless if you don’t act on it. → Execution beats intention every time. 💡 The Fix: After getting feedback, take one immediate action. 4. Stay Curious, Not Defensive → Coachable people seek to understand, not argue. → They ask “Why?” instead of saying “That won’t work.” 💡 The Fix: Replace “But…” with “That’s interesting, tell me more.” 5. Embrace the Uncomfortable → Growth lives on the other side of discomfort. → The best improve by stretching beyond their limits. 💡 The Fix: If feedback makes you uncomfortable, lean into it. Every great leader, athlete, and innovator is highly coachable. The question is: Are you? 👇 What’s one piece of feedback that changed your career? --- ♻️ Find this helpful? Repost for your network. ➕ Follow Dr Alexander Young for daily insights on productivity, leadership, and AI.

In my first year as a manager I alienated one of my reports by giving him too much feedback in a direct and pointed way. The feedback was "right" but delivered to bluntly and thus unwelcome. Just because you “can” give feedback doesn’t mean you should. The power of your feedback comes from the trust you build with your reports. Here is how you can build it: The most important thing to understand is that even if you have the institutional authority to deliver this feedback (your title), you need the relational authority before you can deliver it effectively. Read this line again please - doing so will help you avoid either giving pain or making problems for yourself (I did both). This means that your reports need to trust and respect you before they will listen to any feedback you give. You can build this trust and respect by: 0) Being Empathetic I was too blunt. I thought that only being right or wrong mattered, not how I said things or the judgment in my tone and words. I lacked Emotional Intelligence (EQ). How you say things matters, and this means not just the words you say but the real intent behind them. My intention in that early review was not truly focused on helping the person, but rather on scolding him into better behavior. I'm not surprised he reacted poorly to it. 1) Being Consistent Good managers are consistently giving feedback—both bad and good—to their reports. Make sure you are recognizing and acknowledging your employees’ strengths as much (or more) than you are pointing out their areas for improvement. This will make them feel comfortable with you pointing out room for improvement because they know you see them for more than their flaws. 2) Never surprise someone with a review. This is related to point 1. If you are consistently giving small pieces of feedback, a more serious piece of negative feedback should not blindside your employee. They should know that it is coming and understand what the issue is. 3) Deliver corrective feedback ASAP, and use clear examples. As soon as you see a pattern of behavior that needs to be addressed, address it using clear evidence. This gives the employee the chance to reflect on the behavior while it is still fresh in their minds, not months later when their review comes around. 4) Check in to confirm that you are being heard correctly Ask the employee if they understand the feedback you are giving and why you are giving it. 5) Be specific enough to drive change The more specific behaviors and examples you can use to support your feedback, the better your employee can understand that you aren’t speaking from a place of dislike or bias. This also gives them more concrete references to inform their behavior change. Readers—What other ways do you build a relationship before giving feedback? (Or, how have you messed this up?)

If you only get applause, you’re likely missing what matters. One of the hardest things to get as a CEO is truthful feedback, especially from the people closest to your work. Not because they don’t see what needs improvement. But because they don’t feel safe enough to say it. That’s a leadership failure. Not theirs. I’ve learnt over time that asking, “Do you have any feedback for me?” often gets you polite nods and empty praise. However, asking, “What’s one thing I could do better as your CEO?” that changes the tone. Here’s what helps me: → I ask in one-on-one settings, not public forums → I stay silent after the question. No defence, no clarification → I act on what I hear, even if it stings And I circle back to say, “Here’s what I’m doing with what you shared.” When people see you treat their feedback like a gift, they offer it more freely. If you want growth at the top, you must normalize honesty at every level. It starts with how you ask, and how you respond.

If your feedback isn't changing behavior, you're not giving feedback—you're just complaining. After 25 years of coaching leaders through difficult conversations, I've learned that most feedback fails because it focuses on making the giver feel better rather than making the receiver better. Why most feedback doesn't work: ↳ It's delivered months after the fact ↳ It attacks personality instead of addressing behavior ↳ It assumes the person knows what to do differently ↳ It's given when emotions are high ↳ It lacks specific examples or clear direction The feedback framework that actually changes behavior: TIMING: Soon, not eventually. Give feedback within 48 hours when possible Don't save it all for annual reviews. Address issues while they're still relevant. INTENT: Lead with purpose and use statements like - "I'm sharing this because I want to see you succeed" or "This feedback comes from a place of support." Make your positive intent explicit. STRUCTURE: Use the SBI Model. ↳Situation: When and where it happened ↳Behavior: What you observed (facts, not interpretations) ↳Impact: The effect on results, relationships, or culture COLLABORATION: Solve together by using statements such as - ↳"What's your perspective on this?" ↳"What would help you succeed in this area?" ↳"How can I better support you moving forward?" Great feedback is a gift that keeps giving. When people trust your feedback, they seek it out. When they implement it successfully, they become advocates for your leadership. Your feedback skills significantly impact your leadership effectiveness. Coaching can help; let's chat. | Joshua Miller What's the best feedback tip/advice, and what made it effective? #executivecoaching #communication #leadership #performance

The most effective way to grow is to believe you’re already “arrived.” One thing I’ve observed in my corporate journey and through coaching professionals is that people who don’t stop growing are those who actively seek feedback and learn from it. They don’t just stop growing; they actively seek out opportunities to learn and improve. There are two mindsets at work: 1️⃣ Closed-minded mindset: “I already know this.” These professionals defend, justify, and resist feedback. They climb fast early but plateau even faster. 2️⃣ Open-minded mindset: “What can I learn from this?” These professionals stay curious, ask better questions, seek mentorship, and evolve constantly. They become irreplaceable not because of their knowledge, but because of their humility and adaptability. The truth is that your next breakthrough won’t come from what you already know. It will come from what you’re willing to learn next. Your career grows the moment your ego sits down and your curiosity stands up. Here are five simple shifts that accelerate growth for any professional: 1️⃣ Replace “I know” with “Interesting, tell me more.” 2️⃣ Seek feedback before feedback seeks you. 3️⃣ Learn from people you disagree with—that’s where blind spots hide. 4️⃣ Be a student in rooms where you’re the most experienced. 5️⃣ Treat learning as a lifestyle, not a phase. If you want to stay relevant, confident, emotionally strong, and future-ready, stay coachable. The people who win in life are not the ones who know the most. They’re the ones who never stop learning, unlearning, and upgrading.

He was our boss. But eventually, no one followed him. At first, it was subtle. A missed deadline here. A teammate talking over others in meetings. Someone fudging numbers on a presentation. The first time it happened, we waited for him to step in. He didn’t. The second time, he smiled it off. The third? He looked the other way. And over time, something shifted... We stopped trusting he’d do the right thing. Not because he was mean. But because he was silent. When a leader refuses to hold people accountable, they lose the one thing they can’t lead without: authority. Because leadership isn’t about being liked. It’s about being trusted to protect the mission and the team. I’ve learned this the hard way. In my early days leading, I confused accountability with conflict. So I delayed hard conversations. I let a few people slide And lost the respect of the many who didn’t. Here’s what I know now: 👉 Accountability is the immune system of leadership. 👉 When you let dysfunction spread, it infects the culture quietly. 👉 And when good people leave, they won’t tell you it was because you stayed quiet. So ask yourself: Are you avoiding discomfort today… only to lose trust tomorrow? Because once your authority is gone... your title won’t save you. Follow me for more leadership lessons I had to learn the hard way. #Leadership #CareerAdvice #Trust #TeamCulture #Management #CareerGrowth

A senior executive overheard how their team really sees them. Words like: Not a leader, unapproachable, hard to talk to. And their first reaction is always, Really?! Because in their mind, they believe they're the opposite. A true leader, approachable, empowering. But leadership is not how you see yourself. It’s how people feel in your presence. When someone at the top loses touch with how they’re perceived, it’s almost impossible for their own team to tell them. They want to, but because the hierarchy makes honesty risky. That’s why some feedback needs a heavyweight messenger. If the message comes from a junior voice, ego gets in the way. The wall goes up. But when it comes from someone seasoned, someone who’s earned equal respect,  the conversation shifts from defence to reflection. This is why I often recommend bringing in an external assessor or a trusted peer to gather confidential feedback. Not to expose the leader but to protect their dignity while showing them the truth. Because behind every “unapproachable” leader is usually someone who’s lost self-awareness, not compassion. They just can’t see the full picture anymore. Once that feedback is gathered, the real work begins: Have the conversation privately. Respect their position, but don’t soften the truth. Frame it around outcomes, not flaws. “What could go wrong if this continues?” “What could happen if this changes?” The goal isn’t to embarrass them, it’s to give them a truthful perspective. In fact, great leaders don’t fear feedback. They seek it. Even when it’s uncomfortable. And it almost always is. And the stronger the leader, the stronger the messenger needs to be. If you ever find yourself in that position, where the person who most needs feedback is also the hardest to reach, remember this: It’s about choosing the right voice to be heard.

Over the past 20 years, I've had the opportunity to work with the world's best leaders. Here’s the truth I’ve seen across every industry, team, and culture: Emotionally intelligent leaders don’t fear criticism. Most people don’t struggle with criticism because of the words being said; they struggle because of the emotions those words trigger. They use it. They turn feedback into fuel. Here’s how you can handle criticism with emotional intelligence: 1) Don’t react Work on self-regulating. Pause for 2–3 seconds. Breathe. Let the emotional spike settle. Instant reactions destroy clarity. Regulated responses create it. 2) Separate the message from the emotion. Ask yourself: What part of this feedback is valuable? What’s not? Self-awareness turns defensiveness into insight. 3) Assume positive intent, even when it’s hard. Most people aren’t trying to attack you. They’re trying to be heard. This mindset shift can transform high-performing teams. 4) Get curious, not combative. Say: “Help me understand what you’re seeing.” Questions lower tensions; curiosity opens doors. 5) Take ownership of your part. Emotionally intelligent leaders reflect, adjust, and move forward. 6) Use criticism to grow your leadership presence. Every piece of feedback is data about: • How you’re showing up • How others experience you • How you can communicate more effectively Criticism is an opportunity reflect, grow and respond with confidence. If you want to lead with influence, trust, and emotional maturity, mastering this skill is non-negotiable. What’s one strategy that has helped you handle tough feedback more effectively? Follow me, Christopher D. Connors, for more insights on how to lead with emotional intelligence.

At Radical Candor, I often hear the question, "How do I know if my feedback is landing?" The answer is simple but not always easy: Radical Candor is measured not at your mouth, but at the listener’s ear. It’s not about what you said, it’s about how the other person heard it and whether it led to meaningful dialogue and growth. Before you start giving feedback, remember the Radical Candor order of operations: get feedback before you give it. The best way to understand how another person thinks is to ask them directly and reward their candor. Next, give praise that is specific and sincere. This helps remind you what you appreciate about your colleagues, so when you do offer criticism, you can do it in the spirit of being helpful to someone you care about. When giving feedback, start in a neutral place. Don't begin at the outer edge of Challenge Directly, as this might come across as Obnoxious Aggression. Just make sure you're above the line on Care Personally and clear about what you're saying. Pay attention to how the other person responds - are they receptive, defensive, sad, or angry? Their reaction will guide your next steps. If someone becomes sad or angry, this is your cue to move up on the Care Personally dimension. Don't back off your challenge - that leads to Ruinous Empathy. Instead, acknowledge the emotion you're noticing: 'It seems like I've upset you.' Remember that emotions are natural and inevitable at work. Sometimes just giving voice to them helps both people cope better. If someone isn't hearing your feedback or brushing it off, you'll need to move further out on Challenge Directly. This can feel uncomfortable, but remember - clear is kind. You might say, 'I want to make sure I'm being as clear as possible' or 'I don't feel like I'm being clear.' Use 'I' statements and come prepared with specific examples. Most importantly, don't get discouraged if feedback conversations sometimes go sideways. We tend to remember the one time feedback went wrong and forget the nine times it helped someone improve and strengthened our relationship. Focus on optimizing for those nine successes rather than avoiding the one potential difficult conversation. Creating a culture of feedback takes time and practice. Each conversation is an opportunity to get better at both giving and receiving feedback. When you get it right, feedback becomes a powerful tool for building stronger relationships and achieving better results together. What’s one small adjustment you’ve made to give or receive better feedback? I’d love to hear your thoughts!